Why the “Jessica” Tantrum Trend Misses What Kids Actually Need

If you’ve spent any time on TikTok lately, you’ve probably seen it.

A child is in the middle of a full meltdown—crying, screaming, overwhelmed—and suddenly the parent shouts, “JESSICA!”

The child pauses. Confused. Silent. The tantrum… stops.

It’s quick. It’s surprising. And it’s gone viral.

But beneath the momentary calm, an important question remains:

Are we actually helping our children regulate—or just interrupting them?

---

A Clinical Perspective from ICP Co-Founder Tammy Schamuhn

In a recent interview with The Globe and Mail, Tammy Schamuhn, Registered Psychologist, Registered Play Therapist Supervisor, and co-founder of the Institute of Child Psychology, shared her expert perspective on this growing trend.

Drawing on decades of clinical experience working with children and families, Tammy emphasizes that while techniques like this may appear effective in the moment, they often miss what children actually need during emotional overwhelm.

---

What’s Really Happening in These Moments

The “Jessica” trend works through what psychologists call a pattern interrupt—a sudden, unexpected stimulus that disrupts a child’s emotional loop.

In simple terms, it startles the brain out of overwhelm.

And yes, it can “work” in the moment.

But as Tammy highlights,
stopping a behaviour is not the same as supporting regulation.

Tantrums are not random. They are communication.

They often stem from:

• fatigue
• hunger
• overstimulation
• unmet emotional needs
• limited ability to express distress

When we interrupt the expression without addressing the underlying need, we lose an opportunity to support emotional development in a meaningful way.

---

Why Quick Fixes Fall Short

Social media thrives on fast solutions.

But children’s nervous systems don’t.

Tammy cautions that while distraction-based strategies may stop behaviour temporarily, they do not help children build the internal skills needed for long-term regulation.

When a child is overwhelmed:

• They cannot reason
• They cannot process language effectively
• They cannot learn new skills in that moment

For some children—especially those who are highly sensitive or neurodivergent—sudden, loud interruptions may even increase distress rather than reduce it.

---

Parenting in the Age of Virality

This trend also reflects a larger shift in parenting culture.

More and more, parenting is happening in public spaces—shared, viewed, and evaluated online.

Moments that were once private are now:

• recorded
• posted
• turned into “hacks”

Tammy notes that while these trends can feel helpful, they often pull us away from what matters most:

connection over control
understanding over performance

---

What Children Actually Need in a Tantrum

From a play therapy and neurodevelopmental perspective, Tammy emphasizes that children in meltdown are not being defiant—they are dysregulated.

And dysregulation requires co-regulation, not correction.

This looks like:

1. Staying Calm

Your nervous system helps settle theirs.

2. Being Present

Your presence communicates safety, even without words.

3. Reducing Input

Less talking, more grounding.

4. Respecting Their Needs

Some children seek closeness, others need space.

5. Teaching Later

The learning happens after the child has returned to calm.

As Tammy reinforces, children in the peak of emotional overwhelm are not in a state where they can listen or learn—they need support first.

---

A More Compassionate Reframe

Instead of asking:

“How do I stop this behaviour?”

Tammy encourages parents to ask:

“What is my child trying to communicate right now?”

Because behind every meltdown is a child who is:

• overwhelmed
• under-resourced
• and needing connection

---

The Takeaway for Parents

The “Jessica” trend isn’t inherently harmful.

But as Tammy Schamuhn’s insights remind us, it reflects a broader pattern of looking for quick fixes instead of deeper understanding.

And parenting—especially in the hardest moments—calls us into something more meaningful.

It asks us to:

• slow down
• stay present
• and respond with connection

Because the goal isn’t just to stop a tantrum.

It’s to raise a child who learns:

“I can feel big things… and I am supported through them.”

---

 

This blog was inspired by a recent feature in The Globe and Mail, where Tammy Schamuhn shared her clinical insights on this viral parenting trend.

If you’d like to explore the full article and broader discussion, you can read the original piece here:
https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/advice/parenting/article-parenting-tiktok-jessica-tantrum-social-media/?intcmp=gift_share