Does my kid need help or is it just a phase? CTV News November 2025

The line between normal development and extreme behaviour: child psychologist

For many parents, the line between normal development and extreme behaviour in kids is thin and sometimes hard to see. Registered child psychologist Tania Johnson shares some advice.

When does “just a phase” become something more?

As parents, we’re all familiar with challenging behaviours: the toddler who refuses to nap, the five-year-old who melts down over a missing toy, the pre‐teen who slams doors and disappears into their room. We reassure ourselves that this is part of growing up. But at what point do those behaviours cross a threshold? When do we need to take them more seriously?

In the recent CTV News Edmonton segment, child psychologist and Co-Founder of the Institute of Child Psychology, Tania Johnson explored exactly this question: how to differentiate typical developmental “stormy” behaviour from something that may signal deeper struggle. The conversation resonates deeply with the parenting book you’re working on—in fact, it touches on many of your themes: emotional regulation, triggers, co-regulation, stress physiology, invisible labour, parenting marks of anxiety.

Below I’ve broken the key ideas into three pillars: recognition, response, and relationship. Each is paired with practical guidance you can use in your content or share with your audience of parents, educators and professionals.

1. Recognition: Knowing what’s “within development” and what’s beyond

Children are wired to test limits, express big emotions, fight sleep, clash with peers, and re-test boundaries at successive ages. But there are some red flags that signal behaviour may be more than just “normal”:

Frequency, intensity or duration: How often is the behaviour happening, how extreme is it, and how long has it persisted? For example, the article on Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder (DMDD) explains that children who are still having full-blown tantrums several times a week, well past ages when most kids have learned additional regulation, may be outside the typical range. Child Mind Institute+2Yale Medicine+2
Context and settings: Is the behaviour limited to one context (home) or does it generalise (school, friends, extracurriculars)? For many developmental concerns, the wider the setting in which the behaviours appear, the more reason to look deeper.
Functioning and relational impact: Is the child’s behaviour interfering with their ability to engage in age-appropriate ways—forming friendships, playing, learning, sleeping, self-soothing? The Yale Medicine overview on hostile/defiant behaviour points out that when behaviour interferes with school, home life or relationships, that’s a marker. Yale Medicine
Underlying emotional or physiological drivers: Is the behaviour driven by big feelings (fear, shame, dysregulation) or simply by willful defiance? For example DMDD emphasises difficulty regulating big emotions rather than just disobedience. Child Mind Institute
Developmental appropriateness: Children grow, change, learn self-regulation. Behaviours that are consistent with a younger age and fail to mature may be a flag. One commentary suggests children who “live at the extremes — always huge reactions, always full-blown meltdown” may be outside the normative trajectory. Psychology Today

Practical tip for parents: Keep a simple log for 1-2 weeks of challenging behaviours. Record: what happened, what preceded it (trigger), how the child responded, what followed, the setting, and how you responded. Patterns may emerge (time of day, context, certain trigger). This helps move from “everything’s chaos” to “here are the repeated moments we can target.”

2. Response: What to do when behaviour tips into concern

Once a parent recognises that something may be beyond the typical, the response matters. Here are key themes and action steps:

a) Strengthen regulation first

When a child is dysregulated (big brainstem/limbic system responses), amygdala, vagal tone, stress physiology all matter—regulation must come before reasoning. Encouraging simple regulation strategies (deep belly-breathing, sensory breaks, movement, co-regulation with caregiver) matters.
In your book you reference polyvagal theory: helping a child down-shift from fight/flight/freeze gives them access to relational and reasoning brain parts.

b) Open a collaborative conversation

Rather than solely using “you need to stop that,” work with the child: “I noticed … what do you think is going on for you? How did your body feel? What helped you last time?” This builds awareness and self-coaching rather than shame.

c) Adjust the environment

Sometimes the “why” is not just in the child but in the environment: unpredictable schedule, too much stimulation, cortisol high in the home, unstructured transitions, lots of screen time (you know this one well). Minimising triggers, prepping transitions, using rituals, providing safe scaffolding all help.

d) When to seek help

If the behaviours present as persistent, across contexts, impairing, or you see other concerns (anxiety, withdrawal, hyper-reactivity, boom-or-bust regulation), it may be time for a professional assessment. Tools like CBT, parent-management training, dialectical behaviour therapy for kids (DBT-C) are referenced in the research on DMDD and defiant behaviours. Child Mind Institute+1
Remember: early doesn’t mean over-diagnosing. It means noticing, adjusting, monitoring, and seeking help if you don’t see improvement.

3. Relationship: The foundational buffer

Throughout the recognition and response process, the parent–child relationship is the anchor. For your audience—parents, educators, professionals—here are relational tips:

Co-regulation matters more than rule enforcement. When kids are upset, it’s the regulation they need—not just consequences. Your chapter on co-regulation and emotional awareness is spot-on here.
Repair matters. Every parent will mis-step; what matters is repair: “I’m sorry I shouted. I can see how upset you were. Let’s try again together.” This builds trust and helps children learn they are safe even when behaviour is messy.
Celebrate the regulation wins. When the child uses a strategy, even a small one, note it: “I noticed you took three deep breaths before telling me you were angry—that’s hard and you did it.” Shifts focus to competence not just chaos.
Systemic view: You know from your work—attachment, autonomy, digital parenting, play deprivation—they all matter. Behaviour doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Screen time, unstructured play, sleep debt, family stress, invisible labour of the parent—all feed into how the child shows up. Encouraging families to look at the broader system (sleep, nutrition, movement, connection, device exposure) is important.

Conclusion: Navigating the grey zone with clarity and compassion

There’s no bright-line “age X, behaviour Y = problem.” But there are patterns, signals and, most importantly, responses that make a difference. By equipping parents and professionals with the tools to recognise the difference, respond with empathy + strategy, and prioritise relationship and regulation over purely discipline, we can help children move from being “challenging” to being supported, seen and building self-regulation skills.

Watch Tania Johnson’s full interview on CTV News to learn more about the line between normal development and extreme behaviour with children.

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