Supporting Teens with a Parent Who Has Mental Illness

[Tania Johnson] Hello and welcome to the Child Psych Podcast. I’m Tania Johnson, registered psychologist, registered play therapist, and co-founder of the Institute of Child Psychology. Today’s guest is Dr. Michelle Sherman, a clinical psychologist with over 30 years of experience supporting families navigating mental illness and trauma.

Dr. Sherman is a past Family Psychologist of the Year with the American Psychological Association, a seasoned educator, therapist, researcher, and speaker. She currently serves as editor-in-chief of Couple and Family Psychology Research and Practice.

Today, we’ll be talking about her powerful co-authored book, I’m Not Alone, which gives voice to the experiences of teens living with a parent who has mental illness. Dr. Sherman, welcome.

[Michelle Sherman] Thank you so much. I’m really happy to be with you today. Thank you for the opportunity to have this important conversation.

Why Write a Book for Teens?

[Tania Johnson] This book is called I’m Not Alone: A Teen’s Guide to Living with a Parent Who Has a Mental Illness or History of Trauma. What inspired you to write this book? And what’s so unique is that it speaks directly to teens. Why focus on them?

[Michelle Sherman] All of my work is inspired by both professional and personal passions. I worked in the Veterans Affairs system for about 18 years, and I kept noticing all these families in the waiting room. The veteran would go in for a short appointment, and the family—often confused, sad, overwhelmed, or angry—was left waiting. Kids especially would be thinking, “What did I do wrong? What’s going on?”

I realized there was a huge need for resources and support for these families. That came both from my clinical work and from my own personal lived experience. Several of my own family members have lived with mental illness, and we’ve experienced multiple suicides. So this work is very personal.

Teenagers, in particular, are at an age where 75% of mental illnesses first emerge. Yet, they’re often invisible in these family systems. We know they’re at higher risk themselves—not guaranteed, but at higher risk. And there are so few resources speaking directly to them.

Twenty years ago, I actually asked my mom, who’s a teacher, if she wanted to write a book with me. We wrote three in the mid-2000s: one for teens whose parents had mental illness, one for teens whose parents had trauma, and one for teens with a parent in military deployment.

At the start of COVID, I told my mom we needed to update them. Families often focus so much on the adult with the illness—appointments, insurance, emotional burdens—that the kids can feel invisible. My mission is to raise awareness, empower families with resources, and open up conversations that too often don’t happen, even in professional settings.

The Weight of Stigma and Secrecy

[Tania Johnson] In my clinical work, I see teens who feel exactly what the title of your book describes—they feel alone. It’s often a hush-hush topic filled with stigma and shame.

[Michelle Sherman] Yes. There’s so much secrecy and fear of judgment. But there’s also fear of child protective services. Parents may worry that if they admit they’re struggling, their kids could be removed from the home. Research in the U.S. shows CPS involvement is eight times higher when a parent has a serious mental illness.

So the fear is not unfounded. Sadly, the system can sometimes be punitive and harmful instead of supportive. That’s why we need to approach families from a strength-based, empowering perspective rather than with fear and punishment.

Common Emotional Responses in Teens

[Tania Johnson] Let’s talk about some of the common emotional responses teens have when living with a parent who struggles with mental health challenges.

[Michelle Sherman] Yes, several come up often:

• Shame – Teens may not invite friends over because they don’t know what state their parent will be in.
• Uncertainty – Mental illness can be cyclical. A parent may or may not make it to a recital or basketball game. Teens don’t know what to expect.
• Embarrassment – If a parent behaves inappropriately in public, teens can feel humiliated.
• Confusion and self-blame – Kids often think, “What did I do wrong?” Even though we know it’s not their fault, they need to hear that message again and again.
• Sadness and loss – Mourning the relationship they wish they had with their parent.
• Anger and jealousy – Wondering why their family can’t be like others.
• Loneliness – Feeling like no one else understands their experience.

At times, these feelings mix with hope—like when a parent starts a new treatment. But there’s also a deep sense of powerlessness. Teens want to help their parents but shouldn’t carry adult responsibilities. Still, small acts of love—writing a note, tidying up, sending a kind text—can give them a sense of agency while keeping them in their role as a child.

Teens’ Fear: “Will This Happen to Me?”

[Tania Johnson] Do teens worry that what they see happening to their parents will happen to them too?

[Michelle Sherman] Absolutely. It’s a huge fear. Teens may wonder, “Is this my future? My grandma, aunt, and mom had this illness—will I have it too?” That’s terrifying.

The good news is that research shows most don’t develop the illness. For example, 92% of children with a parent who has schizophrenia never develop it themselves. With depression, 85% don’t develop it either. Yes, the risk is higher, but those are encouraging numbers.

And even more important—there are things teens can do to build resilience and reduce risk.

Building Resilience and Protective Strategies

[Tania Johnson] What are some of those strategies?

[Michelle Sherman]
Several key ones:

• Education – Learn about mental illness and understand it’s not your fault.
• Early support – Seek help early if symptoms emerge. Don’t wait until things get severe.
• Trusted providers – Build long-term relationships with doctors, counselors, or other helpers.
• Avoid isolation – Find safe people in your circle: neighbors, teachers, relatives, clergy.
• Healthy lifestyle choices – Prioritize sleep, nutrition, exercise, and limit substance use.
• Balanced social media use – Avoid misinformation and harmful comparisons.
• Connection – Stay engaged in activities and communities outside the home.

These steps give teens agency and help them feel less powerless.

Navigating Sharing and Betrayal

[Tania Johnson] Your book also helps teens identify safe and trusted people. But many may feel a sense of betrayal if they open up about what’s happening at home.

[Michelle Sherman] It can be very hard. Sadly, misinformation and stigma are everywhere, especially online. Kids may fear judgment or cruel comments. I encourage them to share small pieces of their story at first and gauge the response.

More often than not, they’ll find others who also know someone living with mental illness. And if they do face hurtful reactions, it’s important to fall back on healthy coping strategies. Keep trying—it’s too heavy a burden to carry alone.

Strengthening Parent–Teen Relationships

[Tania Johnson] How do we strengthen the relationship between parent and teen in these situations?

[Michelle Sherman] From an attachment perspective, the key is for the relationship to feel like a safe base. That means consistency, communication, and rituals of connection.

Parents may not always be able to show up, but acknowledging this honestly helps: “I can’t make it tonight, and I’m disappointed, but I’ll try again next time.” Teens benefit from small, consistent rituals—walking the dog, playing a game, grabbing a coffee.

Parents should also explain mental illness in developmentally appropriate ways and reassure kids that when they can’t show up, it isn’t the child’s fault. And kids can show care in age-appropriate ways without taking responsibility for their parent’s wellbeing.

Sometimes, simply being present in the same room—without talking—is enough. Show up. Be consistent. Lean into the relationship.

Final Message: Seeds of Hope

[Tania Johnson] Any final words for parents listening today?

[Michelle Sherman] Yes—hope. That’s why our company is called Seeds of Hope. Parenting with mental illness is hard, but you don’t have to be perfect. Mess-ups happen. What matters is strengthening the bond and role modeling healthy coping—whether that’s counseling, medication, or support groups.

Let your children see that you’re getting help. Just like families rally when someone has cancer, families can rally when someone is facing mental illness. The message is: you are not alone.

Learn More

[Tania Johnson] Dr. Sherman, where can our listeners learn more about your work?

[Michelle Sherman] You can find us at www.seedsofhopebooks.com. Our books are available on Amazon and through Canadian booksellers. We also have a companion book for adults, Loving Someone with PTSD: Skills to Strengthen Your Relationship, and both books include real stories from people with lived experience.