How to Enjoy Summer as a Parent

Emily Edlynn, PhD | Parent Smarter, Not Harder

I originally shared this piece last summer but even if my kids’ schedules are slightly different this year, the fragmented days and reality of too many people surrounding my work-from-home “office” haven’t changed. Neither has my conviction that all of us hardworking caregivers deserve a fun summer too! Let’s not let the kids have all the fun.

Growing up, summer was always my favorite season, mostly because of the beach and my July birthday. In my hometown of San Diego, the weather didn’t dramatically change from spring to summer, but starting the days with the back-to-back greatness of The Price Is Right and Press Your Luck, spending hours charring my fair skin in futile attempts to tan, and sitting my butt in the sand around bonfires at dusk all defined summer as the absolute best.

Wednesday, June 6th marked the official beginning of summer 2024 in my household where I am unfortunately the grown-up and not “growing up” anymore. Instead of the adrenaline rush of freedom from my youthful summers, I now feel dread in the pit of my stomach.

Our family life in summer used to be orderly: children in full-day daycare and camps while my husband and I went to work. Now, I work from home four days a week and my children have piecemeal schedules. A camp here, a camp there. Except for my 9-year-old who has camps that cover most hours between 8 and 3 or 4 (depending on the week), but also requires transport from morning to afternoon camp.1 And even this schedule doesn’t cover every week of summer.

What this translates to is a continuous stream of children’s needs while I attempt spending time fulfilling my non-Mom roles, like therapist, writer, and podcaster. Whether it’s texts asking if I can drive a child somewhere or me doing the bare minimum mothering of ensuring my young teens don’t skip meals, I can’t just turn off my Mom me like I can during the school days.

Thus, summer has become a season of fragmented time and multi-tasking. I constantly feel distracted and behind. The elusive “flow” that all the productivity experts talk about can’t exist in my universe. In fact, I don’t trust a productivity expert if they have never had their workspace in the middle of the family living area while their kids are home.

Not being productive isn’t a character flaw we need to mend with time-blocking strategies. It’s a byproduct of working in a child-full environment that we need to radically accept instead of unsuccessfully attempt to change.

But I’ve decided this year that this reality doesn’t mean I can’t have a fun summer, too. If I can do it, so can you.

You Deserve a Summer Too
Although each of our work schedules and other life demands differ, most of us are probably not living the summers of our youth. (If you’re living an even better one — good for you! Please tell us how.)

Just like I aim to help parents connect with the joy of parenting, I want to help those of us with summer dread to re-connect with summer joy. Today I offer a simple summer survival kit: how to enjoy yourself and your summer even if it’s a s*** show!

Here are some tips to help all of us recapture some summer vibes:

Make sure your children are being as independent as they are capable of being. What food can they prepare by themselves? Come up with a plan for self-service meals during the day. Instead of keeping an eye on the clock to monitor screen time, set a timer. For kids who are capable of getting off when the timer dings, cooperating with the timer means they get to keep their screen time (and maybe consider allowing more time since it’s summer!). Summer is the perfect time to revisit autonomy-supportive strategies that boost self-sufficiency. Where are the opportunities for your child to do more for themselves with more free time?
Lower the bar. Let yourself off the hook for optimal parenting (however you have defined that in your family) and lower that bar. Let the kids eat easy food for dinners, watch more TV, flex some rules that take too much of your time and energy. Your children are safe and loved; the rest is gravy.
Go out with your friends. I totally get that this can take effort, especially for those parenting in the younger years where you can’t leave kids home alone (such a game-changer when you can – you’ll eventually get there). But it’s amazing what can be accomplished when you intentionally prioritize planning a friend outing, send the invite text, and put it on the calendar as protected time. Then find an outdoor patio with flowers in drinks and soak up the feeling of summer.
Be alone. Summer now means the house is full of people. All the time. For anyone with an introverted bone in their body (most of us have some introversion in us), this can drain our energy to the red zone like when our phone is about to shut down. We can “do” summer better if we ensure alone time in this season of crowded spaces. This can be as simple as doing a 5-minute breathing exercise in the bathroom in between working and caregiving. Or as elaborate as pushing your gaggle of children out of the house to have some unstructured outdoor time while you sit in quiet.
Escape in your house without guilt. If you have younger children that can’t be alone in a room, is there a trustworthy, older neighbor child who could play with them while you go to a separate physical space to do whatever you want to do? No guilt allowed! Want to binge trashy reality TV? Go for it. Want to read a steamy romance with no critical thinking needed? Perfect!
Redefine vacation day. If you are working at home and caring for children around the clock like I am, there’s no break. It’s been well-established that trips with children do not count as vacations (unless they’re older, and even then it’s not guaranteed). Pick at least one day this summer that you can have your own personal vacation. (I always pick my birthday.) Swap childcare with another parent friend so they can have their own day if you have to! Clear your schedule and/or your house for one blissful day and do whatever you want for 6-10 hours (however long you can pull off).

How are you going to turn this into a fun summer you deserve? Please share with the rest of the group! Let’s help each other DIY adult summers with more joy.

In parenting solidarity,

Emily

Guest Author: Emily Edlynn, PhD.

Emily Edlynn, PhD, is a clinical psychologist based in Oak Park, IL. Her writing is for general educational purposes only. It does not constitute and should not substitute for individual professional advice, psychotherapy, or the provision of psychological services.

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