Tania Johnson | April 10, 2025

Have you ever been in a moment where you’re completely overwhelmed—your heart racing, your jaw clenched, your thoughts scattered—and someone won’t stop talking at you?

They may be giving advice, trying to soothe you, or offering reassurance.
But in that moment… it makes everything louder and more overwhelming.
When your nervous system is activated, words feel like noise.

This is what we do to our children. Repeatedly.
We fill every challenging moment with words that try to fix, words that show we care, words that attempt to teach. We do it because we love deeply—because we don’t know what else to do.

So many words.
When they melt down after school.
When they’re sassy at the dinner table.
When they feel left out at a playdate.

We talk because it makes us feel helpful.

But the truth is, the more dysregulated our child is, the less they can hear us.
And even though we come in with the best of intentions, we often push them further and further into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

Our talking simply becomes more sound.
More pressure.
More overwhelm.

What your child needs in that moment isn’t your words.
It’s your presence.

They need you to be still.
To stop filling the space.
To stop rushing to fix.

When you soften your body, when you slow your breath, when you take up less space with your voice, the message becomes:
“I can sit with you in uncomfortable moments.”

This is co-regulation.
This is deeply seeing your child.

When you do this, you become a mirror for your child’s nervous system.
You teach them—without saying a single thing—that their feelings are never too much to handle.
That we don’t need to run away from difficult moments… and we don’t need to fill them with noise.

And when the moment passes, and their body starts to calm—that’s when your words have space.
That’s when you can be curious, offer a different perspective, or simply comfort them.

But not too soon.

So next time your child is struggling, focus on your breath.
Breathe deeply into your heart.
Soften your shoulders.
Get down on their level.
And try less.
Try quieter.

Your steadiness becomes their steadiness.
Your quiet becomes their safety.

The words can come later.
But first—stop.
Stop talking.
Just be there.

Author: Tania Johnson 

Tania Johnson is a registered Psychologist, registered Play Therapist, Co-Founder of the Institute of Child Psychology, and best-selling author of The Parenting Handbook