Talking to Your Kids About Sex

Child Psych Podcast Episode #157

On this week’s episode of The Child Psych Podcast, we had the pleasure of speaking with sexual-health educator Amy Lang, M.A. Together we explore how we can raise children and teens who are informed, confident, and safe as they navigate their growing bodies, relationships, and identities.

Why Early, Honest Talks Keep Kids Safer

Open, ongoing conversations prepare children for healthy relationships. Accurate information reduces risk, builds confidence, and makes it more likely your child will come to you with questions. Teaching facts is not giving permission. It is giving protection.

Use Real Words From The Start

Children need correct anatomical terms like vulva, penis, clitoris, testicles, and breasts. Using real words normalizes bodies and helps protect children from abuse. Make these words part of everyday family language.

Consent Begins In Early Childhood

Teach privacy and body boundaries early. Practice the ask first rule for hugs and tickles. Empower your child to say “No thank you.” Model how to respect someone else’s no.

What To Say At Each Age

Preschool (2–5): Foundations

Name body parts correctly
Explain private parts and private places
Normalize self-touch: “That can feel good. Do that in your bedroom or bathroom.”
Keep it simple and calm. Repeat as needed

Early School Age (5–8): Science And Consent

Explain how babies are made in factual, age-appropriate terms
Introduce that sex is something people agree to and some adults do because it feels good
Start basic puberty talk before changes begin
Reinforce kindness, privacy, and respect

Tweens (8–12): Puberty, Porn, And Peer Talk

Cover periods, erections, and ejaculation
Explain that people with penises can cause pregnancy from early puberty onward
Teach pornography literacy: it is not real life or a guide to healthy sex
Decode slang and emojis related to sex so kids are not learning only from peers
Discuss crushes, relationships, gender, and sexual orientation with openness

Teens (12+): Health, Safety, And Readiness

Talk plainly about STIs, testing, condoms, and birth control options
Encourage planned sexual health visits to discuss protection and testing
Share a readiness rule: if you cannot talk about protection and testing with a partner, you are not ready
Normalize emotional ups and downs. Stay steady and supportive

Neurodiversity: Make It Concrete And Predictable

Neurodivergent youth may need more structure and repetition. Use visuals, schedules, and checklists for puberty tasks. Break conversations into small steps and rehearse scripts. Neurodivergent youth are more likely to identify as LGBTQ+. Parental support is the strongest protective factor for mental health.

Porn Literacy For Families

Kids may see sexual content online. Teach a simple plan: close it, tell me, you are not in trouble. Clarify that most online content is performative, edited, and often violent. Real intimacy centers consent, communication, and care.

Build A Consent Culture At Home

Ask before hugging or touching
Respect no and changed minds
Teach phrases like “I am not comfortable with that” and “I need to stop now”
Praise kids when they set a boundary kindly

Red Flags And When To Check In

It is normal for children to show curiosity, ask questions, and explore in private. Seek guidance if a child cannot stop sexualized behavior despite redirection, tries to involve others, or displays knowledge far beyond typical curiosity.

Create A Safe Headquarters For Teens

A discreet health drawer can lower barriers to help seeking. Stock pads or tampons, condoms, and information about testing and clinics based on your family values. Explain where to go for confidential care and how to book appointments.

Simple Scripts Parents Can Use

“In our family we use real names for body parts so you can be safe and informed.”
“Sex is something adults agree to. Some do it because it feels good. It requires protection and care.”
“If you see sexual content online, close it and tell me. You are not in trouble.”
“If you ever think about becoming sexually active, tell me so I can help you stay safe and healthy.”