Institute of Child Psychology | October 18

As parents, we all want our children to have friends—friendships that bring happiness, foster social skills, and nurture connections that will support them now and in the future. However, for some children, making friends doesn’t come easily. The good news is that, with a little guidance, we can help them navigate these challenges.

It Starts at Home

Empathy: Encourage fairness and kindness in family interactions. Children learn by observing us, so it’s important to model empathetic behaviour, whether that’s during sibling disagreements or after a long, tiring day. What we do matters more than what we say.

Curiosity about others: Make it a family habit to ask about each other’s day, interests, and thoughts. This practice nurtures curiosity and helps children build social bonds.

Communication skills: In a world filled with devices, genuine conversation can get lost. Create device-free moments, like family dinners, to help your child develop face-to-face communication skills that are vital in social situations.

Cooperation: Working together on family projects, playing games, and doing chores teaches children the value of cooperation, taking turns, and respecting other’s input.

Emotion regulation: Big emotions are natural, but children need help understanding and managing them. A calm adult presence is essential—children mirror our emotional state. It’s hard for them to regulate if we, as parents, haven’t mastered that ourselves.

Apologizing and forgiving: Apologies and forgiveness are rooted in empathy. Model how to apologize and make amends, as well as how to forgive others. Children learn best when they see us practicing these skills.

Play is the Foundation

Before the age of 4, children primarily learn social skills through interactions with adults. However, as they reach 5 or 6, peer interaction during play becomes crucial. Through play, children learn essential social skills such as turn-taking, eye contact, impulse control, and reading social cues. They figure out how to navigate social dynamics in order to keep the play going.

It’s important to note that this kind of learning happens in child-led, unstructured play—not organized sports or adult-directed activities. True play allows for trial and error, helping children discover which social skills enable them to continue engaging with others.

Mixed-Age Play is Best

As a former elementary teacher, I found that when a child struggled socially, sending them out to recess with same-age peers often made things worse. Without key social skills, further rejection could deepen the issue.

Historically, children played in mixed-age groups, which encouraged the development of empathy, social skills, and emotional intelligence. Older children often guide younger ones, while younger children observe and learn. This dynamic benefits both: younger children receive gentle coaching, and older children gain confidence and responsibility.

If your child struggles socially, consider speaking with their teacher about pairing them with a younger or emotionally mature older child during recess or lunch. At home, organize mixed-age playtime with neighbourhood kids or cousins. Let an older child take the lead and rotate which household hosts. This model, used successfully in many communities, can help children thrive socially.

Watching your child struggle socially can be challenging, but with time, support, and the right environment, they will find their group. Helping your child learn to manage emotions, understand social cues, and express themselves is one of the greatest gifts you can offer. Rest assured, they will get there.