by Tania Johnson | July 17, 2024

Summer holidays are often a smorgasbord of childcare, playdates, late nights, splash parks, tech wars, and BBQ’s It is usually at this point in the summer that everything starts to feel really fragile  with just a hint of our child about to say “can you play with me” or “what are we doing today” or “I’m bored”.

I’m here to offer a gentle reminder that it is not your job to entertain your child all of the time.

Its expensive, exhausting and there is no research to substantiate that it is helpful to your child’s development.

It’s time for a reframe. A parent’s job is  to be a safe space, to encourage, to connect, to provide increasing opportunities for exploration and discovery. A child’s job on the other hand is to play and to explore.  Repeated experiences of playful exploration nurtures optimal brain development while also helping a child to learn about their world and to master new skills. This does not require parental involvement 24/7. In fact, when we step back and give our child space to grow- it sends a strong message of “I believe in you” instead of “ you need my help at all times.”

Unfortunately in many homes “unstructured time” has become screen time and many kids are losing the ability to play independently. The ability to daydream, to be bored, to negotiate roles and rules of a game with other kids, to be vulnerable, to learn to have their voice heard, to be scared ( can I do the monkey bars) and then to realize they are competent and courageous ( I can do scary things) are becoming lost skills. 

The really interesting part about all of this is- if you look at the age group that is struggling most with mental health, it’s our college age youth – many of them are lacking in the fundamental skills of childhood. Being courageous, creative, and a problem solver isn’t something that magically happens in adulthood- it is threaded throughout the tapestry of childhood.

 Our children need space to be children and they need us to protect this time fiercely. Say no to over scheduling, to activities that are constantly dictated by a hovering adult with a set agenda- give them back their childhood.

Lets move from a child-centric culture to a family centred culture where the whole family engages in activities that bring joy and meaning for everyone involved, where kids are involved in real world activities, where parents have space to breath, and where kids have time to discover the slow unfolding of childhood.

Be sure to take a look at our course on Resilience and on Childhood Anxiety– both of these courses will give you the tools to help your child be more independent!